and what it is that i want to achieve exactly??

"Sit down before fact like a little child, and be prepared to give up every preconceived notion, follow humbly wherever and to whatever abyss Nature leads, or you shall learn nothing." -T.H. Huxley


Above is the opening quote to the book i just purchased, The Holographic Universe.  The majority of the conversation I had today also revolves around the message the above quote provides.  Quite a fascinating time in my life... everything i learned before is coming right back around to bite me in the ass... 


Don't lose yourselves people. when you feel chunks of your soul leave you, don't think to yourself that it will be fine and easy to get those pieces back....BECAUSE IT FREAKING IS NOT EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT SUCKS!!!!!!!! The last 2 years have been HELL and because of my own STUPIDITY! 
and yes i can be a man about it. First step is admitting you have a problem. 




HUMBLIZE >my new word 


today i realized that it's time to put aside everything i know and REALLY get a grasp on the things i don't know. i have to remember that the things i know are not who i am..... I have come to accept that i fucked up and now i have somewhere to start. at least. PARTY!




i fucked up. i feel like a million dollars because i can say that i fucked up. i fucked it up. all of it. fucked it right up. i fucked it. fuck. now this is real.