communication.

calm, detailed, in-depth communication- i can do this.
patience.


i noticed that i pick up a lot of my mothers communication traits, i also pick up her energy through her communication... which is very intense, feisty and she can drop a person on their ass when she wants to- it doesn't feel good. i notice that i then funnel what i receive from her onto other people- not good... instead of getting rid of it in other ways. i have communicated to her many times that she needs to stop it but she hasn't so another reason why i need a break... that's fair.
i need a break from the way she communicates until i learn better how to bubble myself from it.
it's sad that even with family we have to take steps back if they aren't healthy for us to be around. i've been her sounding board my whole life and i think it's ok for me to now walk away. she can get a counsellor and i can have my sanity.

in school its also hard to communicate without coming across as angry because i was angry there. i had all these expectations and assumptions of myself and of the program and the people which wasn't right of me and i was let down and overwhelmed by all i saw and felt. i am not comfortable in a classroom- all closed in with fluorescent lighting n shit- blah. lets make more outdoor classrooms with movement- hands on learning :) action.

i've never been good in a classroom- ever.
I'm not really sure i'll ever be able to overcome that one but yah never know. anything is possible........ maybe i will learn techniques for there as well. online schooling might be less of a headache tho considering the fact that i want to be doing other things as well.....

ramble ramble ramble.